The weight of judgement

<3 My Luna-bug>

*If you already visited this and read, I'd like you to make sure to read this, as I came back and added it later. :)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

There are many decisions and actions for which I get grief. Some are regarding my decision to pursue a master's degree, some to not yet have finished said degree. Some are my perpetual singleness, because apparently my friends think I'm knocking the guys away with a stick (really, I have my neon "stay away" sign turned off, but that's a conversation for another time).

Some, if you read the previous post, are regarding work, not doing enough, doing too much, doing it wrong, the list goes on.

I mean, look at her :)

However, there are two that bug me more than any and they tie in together.

First off, I get grief for the way I treat my dog. Read that carefully, please. Because I don't say mistreat. I don't mistreat. In fact, I treat her better than many people treat one another. And I think more highly of her than I do some people.

Seriously, could you resist that face?

Let's be completely honest here. I like her more than I do MOST people. :)

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs. ~Alphonse Toussenel

The thing that people don't understand is that my connection to my dog goes beyond just a girl and her dog.

See, when Luna was not quite six weeks old, she came to live with me. And I fell in love. (Anyone who meets her generally does, so, it's very understandable.)

After about three months, the two of us moved to Knoxville, where I was attempting to pursue a master's degree. Being an introvert, that was one of the most trying times of my life. I never got homesick; I've never been one to get homesick because my home and those I love are always in my heart, whether they are with me or not.

She's adjusting nicely, even if
I do keep the place chilly.

There were times when I would wonder what I was doing. Where I began to doubt myself and what I must have possibly been thinking. I had many nights of sitting up all night talking to myself, my dog and God. Honestly, besides God, my dog knows me better than anyone, simply because she saw me through all of that.

For the past (almost) three years, there hasn't been a creature closer to me than Luna.

And here we are again. While I'm much closer to my family this go around, it hasn't necessarily been any easier. If anything, it's been harder.

Me and my momma several years ago
 at Stonehenge :)

This move has been harder because people don't understand it as much. Being only 45 minutes from my folks, people either judge me for moving closer to work, for not living with my folks for longer, for not being home often enough or for starting to find a new church.

It's exhausting, living with everyone else's judgements. I imagine it's pretty exhausting always having such judgements, too.

Due to others' judgements, I've spent many nights in the last month in tears, stressing over things that I shouldn't be. Due to others' judgements, I've begun to doubt my own.

But, life isn't about what others think of your decisions. Life is about making your decisions according to God's plan for your life. It's about trusting Him and knowing that, well, where you are is where you should be. And if it's not, then how to trust Him to get you there.

Because I firmly believe that I'm where I should be. Trust me, I've done a lot of praying it over, usually with my Luna-bug laying beside me as the questions, tears and prayers have come. 

While the answers aren't always as visible as the problems, all it takes is the beautiful sunset on the field down from my new home to show me that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

So for those of you who dare to doubt my new place in life, I say, take it to God. Don't tell me. Don't judge me. Keep your judgements or dare judge God. Because I believe He has me EXACTLY where I need to be.

I may not be doing everything right, especially none of us ever do, but I'm trusting Him to show me where the right is. And, right now, that's curled up on the couch beside my Luna-bug, who's sleeping after our visit to the park.

(And, if you're keeping up, she's still not sold on the park...but that's for another day, another time, and, I'm sure, more ammo for someone's judgements...)

I love my folks :) And to catch
my daddy smiling in a photo is hard!

I know I'm not alone in these feelings of doubt, confusion, concern...usually thoughts brought on by the judgements of others. Some of my beloved family members have gone and/or are going through these same sentiments right now, at the hands of others.

Sadly enough, it's always those who we think should love us the most that give us the most grief.


I must say, there's nothing like moving to help you learn about yourself and those who claim to love you and those who really do...

Each move I've made, my folks have been there the whole way, being awesome and helping me get through it. Bless their hearts, they've endured my tears, too.

They're too cute!

And my beautiful sister-in-law [and my brother, too, I guess ;)], for they've been here. I can't imagine the grief they got for moving to South Carolina! But they are so very suited for that beautiful part of the country, and I am amazed every time I see them for the people they are becoming through their experience. Honestly, I've never been more awed by my brother than when I hear him speak of what he is doing (teaching)...and how he is doing it.

My bub and his dogs, my "niece"
and "nephew" :)

There's others too...this last little paragraph is going to be reserved for one my favorite families (although, admittedly, I do have a few favorite little families...) who is currently experiencing a move of their own. The sunsets will come, the confidence will grow and we will flourish through our new experiences. Because, from what I've read/heard from you amazing folks, I know that you are EXACTLY where God wants you to be, too.


<3 Kendra>

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God as done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

**After a few responses, I want to go back and reassert something. This was not written to make anyone sad or anything of that nature. I don't regret the decision to go to Knoxville, either, in fact, I see now that I needed to do that. While the education was important, the experience of being there and learning that...that's also where I needed to be at that time. And I know that I needed those two years on my own, if for no other reason than to give me another chance to grow up a little bit more. It was a great experience.

Also, I just want to reiterate, my parents are awesome. Sure, they want me and my brother to be near them, as most parents do, but they know that we both have to find our own ways in our own places. They've never been anything but supportive of us. Of course, I'm sure they both also know that we could both be much farther than we are, like out of the country...you take what you get. :)

Lastly, though I won't name her, there was another friend who was and is going through a very similar experience of her own. For her, I am truly thankful, because she understands in ways that no one else has been able to, simply because she's living her own version of the same.

Anyway, thanks for reading. :)