"Have my cake and eat it too" Or "Being the model of a modern lady"

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” --Proverbs 31:30

Having been born and raised in a rural farming area in Southcentral Kentucky, there are a few things instilled in me.

Things like, always hold the door for others. If someone could use your seat more than you (i.e., they are older, injured, pregnant, or just to be polite), you get up and let them have your seat. You always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am.’ You never refer to someone using their first name unless they’ve told you to. Always be kind and polite to everyone, no matter who it may be. Show respect. 

I always assumed that many of these things were universal. That’s a lesson I’ve since been forced to relearn. Sadly.

In cases such as the door, I have noticed them to be an international given. However, it does seem those unwritten rules don’t always apply in the U.S. Perhaps they should.

Onto another, soon-to-be-connected, but seemingly unrelated topic.

While talking with a friend the other day, we were discussing guys, a topic that honestly comes up all too often with us.

I feel I should explain some background here. By most intents of the word, she and I are both adults. We’re both 24, she less than a month from her 25th birthday; both currently pursuing Master’s degrees in different fields and at different universities, she multiple degrees; me currently in the midst of my first job; both filing our own tax returns...by most all intents of the word, we are adults.

Speaking of dads, here's mine
at his high school graduation, with
my big cousin as a young boy.

In fact, we are both pretty strong-willed, independent young women and pretty capable of taking care of ourselves. With the occasional call to our dads. :)

That said, and I will stop speaking for her, I have plenty of growing up left, as I imagine most “adults” do. I am, admittedly, still very naive about many things in life, so I don’t claim to know the answers.

That’s the point with our conversations, we aren’t either one experts at this, but we manage to make it make sense. Since giving meaning to things is something that we humans have an innate need for, that’s sometimes the best we can hope to do.

The adorable daughter
of a college friend.
Photo seemed fitting!

Anyway, as we were talking, I asked her why weren’t we saying ‘men’ instead of boys. Being “adults,” shouldn’t our phraseology have adapted? (Sometimes, I think we both have trouble believing we are adults.) Could part of our problem be that we were expecting men but seeking boys? Because, along that logic, not only would our phrasing have adapted, but also the potential subjects.

We should expect more and seek that out from the start.

After considering this, she agreed. The term ‘men,’ in theory, would mean that they would be more mature, more adult-like. That is, after all, what you want.

However, she did point out that this begged the question:

“Have we grown up or are we girls in women’s clothing?”

That takes some thought. Personally, as much as we all try, sometimes we are still the same little boys and little girls playing adult. It certainly feels that way from time to time.

It becomes most apparent when I meet people from my childhood, who remind me of my former self, or when I see “children” (to me) who are now practically adults.

The next thought becomes, how do we define such terms? Once upon a time, women were referred to as ladies and men as gentlemen. We’ve since gone away from those associations. In reference to those words, my mind is transported to the times of southern plantations.

While that era had far too many social and economic issues of its own, I do have to wonder why certain aspects of those words “gentlemen” and “ladies” can’t be revived.

Just because she's so adorable!

Don’t get me wrong. This modern, strong-willed, independent woman is not about to wait for some guy to “rescue” me. Or to start my life. I’m perfectly capable. (And I don’t relish the idea of wearing one of those 50-pound corset torture chambers they called dresses.)

I’m quite capable of opening a door, or waiting my turn. But I must admit, it is nice when that “gentlemanly” gesture is offered. Those are gestures that “ladies” can offer as well.

Is it possible for us to become modern ladies and modern gentlemen? To be able to take care of ourselves and our business, exuding strength and confidence and maybe even a little gracefulness? That last one could be pretty tricky for me. To be able to not only be independent, confident and strong, but also vulnerable and trusting?

My, my. If we could imagine the modern lady, the blending of the new independent woman with the old well-mannered one...I figure she’d be a fierce thing to behold.

Perhaps she does exist. As I write, I am reflecting on many of the women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting through school and work. A few of those fierce, modern ladies are springing to mind already.

Perhaps that is what we “young women” should aspire to be. Certainly give the men an aspiration, as well, by encouraging them to be modern gentlemen.

Of course, I think I’ve met a few of those in my time, too.

And one more. Because she's so
stinking cute :)