In search of wisdom

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." ~Miles Kington

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of wisdom: What does it mean to be wise? 

Is wisdom something you simply possess or is it a learned trait?

Personally, I think there are those with an inclination toward wisdom, but we can also work on honing the abilities. Of course, here I could pose the question -- am I wise enough to make that call?

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." ~Socrates

I was speaking with a friend the other day and in the course of the conversation we discussed the concept, "what you don't correct, you condone."

It was part of a much larger conversation, which I won't get into, but the gist of it boils down to this: if you allow a behavior you dislike to continue and you don't ask or encourage something differently, you are basically condoning that behavior.

It's a truth that I think comes with limitations. Because we can't fix everyone, right? Trying to run interference, take responsibility, and correct all these behaviors can get quite exhausting.

That's part of what the whole Let Them movement entails -- allowing yourself grace to recognize that you can't control everyone's behavior. To recognize that, at a certain point, you have to simply let people be and know they won't be willing to change.

Or they won't be willing to listen. That's a lesson I've been learning myself. I'm a person who feels the need to explain myself to the point of annoyance to others. Just like anyone, I want to be heard and actually listened to.

But lately, I've been needing that less and less. Life is far too short to carry the weight of everyone's opinions. It's too short to argue with strangers on the internet to prove a point. And it's too short to make sure everyone around you always understands the things you say or to try to make them care enough to listen.

However, this can go too far as well. I've seen it. I've been guilty of it.

So I ask: Is knowing how to strike that balance a kind of wisdom in itself? Is it a sign of being a wise person, knowing when you need to provide correction versus when you need to simply let them be?

"Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Skill is knowing how to do it. Virtue is doing it." ~Thomas Jefferson

Again, I ask, is wisdom a learned trait or is it something people simply possess?

Merriam-Webster defines wisdom in multiple parts, with the first entry being broken into four aspects: the ability to discern inner qualities and relationship (insight), good sense (judgement), generally accepted belief, and accumulated philosophical or scientific learning (knowledge).

With that in mind, to answer my question, I personally think it's both. I think some people have an aptitude for it, in that they possess the personality traits needed to gain wisdom. But don't think babies are simply born wise. Nature and nurture are at play. Even the definition mentions "accumulated" learning, which requires some amount of life experience.

It seems to me, wisdom requires a willingness to remain calm, learn willingly, listen for understanding, and react (or don't react) objectively. It requires thinking things through without letting emotion take charge.

"Angry people are not always wise." ~Jane Austen

It's also knowing when to take action versus when to practice inaction, based on the situation. It's knowing what questions in order to get to the right answers.

"The wise person doesn't give the right answers, but poses the right questions." ~Claude Levi-Strauss

The Bible talks a lot about the subject of wisdom, too. While the topic had been on my mind, it coincided (likely not coincidental) with a Bible study I was doing. One of the days was on wisdom and said, "Wisdom is the ability to discern right from wrong and understand what is true and lasting."

Offering a few verses on the matter:

• "Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe." ~Proverbs 28:26
• "Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." ~Proverbs 4:6-7

Clearly, based on this latter verse, gaining wisdom isn't easy. Perhaps being a wise individual means you won't always be liked or popular. Perhaps it means that the responses you give people will make you the opposite.

Wisdom is like honesty in that way and both are necessary. You can't be wise if you aren't willing to be honest about yourself and others. It requires facing the truth, which we all know can be hard. 

Sometimes it requires challenging your own long-held notions and beliefs, which can be even harder.

Sometimes, we don't go on our wisdom search by choice, but by experience. It's those life experiences which challenge our beliefs, expand our knowledge, and test us to bring out the wisdom. That life experience can be a painful way to gain wisdom and understanding. 

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." ~Confucius