Sometimes it just is

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” - Henry Ford

Sometimes we just fail. There's no better to way to put it. You just fail at something.

And it's a failure you have to live with.

It can be a basic mistake. It can be a bad decision. It can be a moment of weakness or forgetfulness. Whatever it is, it happens and now you're stuck.

We can't hit CNTRL+ALT+DELETE on life. 

That's really hard to accept as humans. We want to fix it. We want to correct our errors. We want to solve the problem, especially if it involves us.

But sometimes you don't get to.

I was once asked in a job interview, if I could fix any mistake I had made in my career as a reporter, what mistake would I fix.

To be honest, I hated the question. And I think the interviewer hated my answer. Because I said I wouldn't fix them.

I own up to every mistake. I own up to my bad decisions. I own up to my own carelessness. I also learn things from every mistake I make. I've tried my best to not repeat those mistakes.

Are there things in life I wish hadn't happened? Yes, we all have those things. Are there people I wish I could apologize to for the errors I've made in life. Absolutely.

But I don't regret the lessons that came out of those mistakes.

And that's the longer version of the answer I gave. I wouldn't "fix" anything because it was those things that taught me how to be a better journalist, a better writer, and a better human.

Those mistakes taught me to think more before acting. They taught me to check more before speaking and writing. They taught me to pause and consider the outcomes.

I am a flawed human being. I will and do make mistakes on the daily.

I do and will have a moment of "I wish it had been differently." Especially when others have been impacted by the mistakes I've made in life. Or even worse, not hurt by my actions but by my inactions.

But, as I've said on here before, I don't believe in playing the "what if," game. I firmly believe in owning up to my screw ups.

And I do screw up from time to time.

Gosh it hurts, too.

But you learn a lot in those moments of hurt, in those moments where you've messed up, in the moments where you feel like life is kicking you in the teeth.

Sometimes you learn just how strong God made you to be or how strong God can be in you.

I didn't get that job. Maybe I should have said something differently? Who knows. But I also believe that things work or don't work for a reason. Clearly, that wasn't the job for me.

I had a coach once that always joked he only made one mistake a year. He'd make that statement every time he made a mistake and we all knew it was more than once a year.

I feel like I have days where I make a mistake every hour. I guess we all do?

Maybe not. 

Every hour or every year, I'm going to make them. And I'll own up to them. Even if it hurts. I just wish my mistakes didn't hurt others as they sometimes do.

I tried to explain to my SD the other day that no one is an island unto themselves. We're all impacted by the actions of others. But I think as a teen, we don't realize how much we are impacted by others.

Sometimes I think adults don't realize it either. Every action creates a ripple. We impact others and they impact us. The good, the bad, the ugly, it all ripples like a rock tossed in the water.

I hope my ripples are more good than harm. But I'm not so naïve to believe that I haven't caused some harm, even inadvertently. I'd like to seek forgiveness for those actions, but it poses the question -- am I seeking it to make myself feel better or to help them?

Sometimes the past should stay buried. Sometimes those behaviors should be forgotten. Sometimes, seeking forgiveness is about absolution not about helping the harmed heal.

I'm not sure, really.

Maybe that's a lesson still to be learned.

Sometimes you don't get a chance to make it right.

Sometimes ... it just is, even if that's unsettling.

Maybe that's a lesson too -- learning to living with the unsettling.