Becoming unburdened
I'm the worst at letting go. Maybe not THE worst, but it's pretty bad. I'm a frugal person and I struggle with change. I hate being wasteful and I always consider "but this could be used!"
Thus, I have a house full of things. Not things I necessarily want to keep. Just a house of things.
Things that don't even really serve a purpose.
I'm not sure where this comes from. Some members of my family are like this, too. But nothing traumatic has caused this, at least not that I know of. Maybe it's some lingering thing from our Appalachian roots or our country raising, where nothing is wasted and everything serves a purpose.
Except for me it's gotten out of control, because things are going to waste and they aren't serving a purpose.
So I've been trying to take control back. My therapist says it's healthy and calls it taking control of my space. Maybe she's right?
It started with my sofas. The couches were ones that (no joke) had to be 30 years old. Both were sleeper sofas, the frames were broken and sagging, and the fabric was threadbare and worn. It's safe to say, they were well-loved.
They also kind of stunk. I'm not ashamed to admit it -- I had older dogs and that brings lots of troubles. Especially my sweet Turd, in his last weeks, had lots of gastro troubles. There was no way they could be redeemed.
Big Lots was closing, so I took advantage of that sale to finally buy a new couch. It was the first new couch I've ever owned.
To be honest, it's the first new item of any furniture I think I've ever owned, with exception of a kitchen table and chairs I bought when moving to Knoxville 15 years ago. Well, our mattresses and some appliances. Pretty much everything else is thrifted or hand-me-downs.
I was so excited when Jim and I bought a new toilet to replace the existing one about five years ago. Ha.
Anyway, the day came to move the couches out and bring the new one in. I had moved them so they'd be easy to slide out the door, cleared everything out of the way, and opened the sleeper sofa parts to make sure nothing was hiding inside. I was ready and waiting for my help to arrive.
But, in the instance that they were being loaded on trailers to haul off, I still had a moment. It was hard to let them go. It wasn't the couches, but it was the life that had been lived on those couches. That blue couch had seen me through so many lonely nights in grad school, when I had only puppy Luna to keep me company. It had been witness to my first kiss with Jim. It was privy to countless movie nights and cuddles. It was a soft seat to my stepdaughter while she learned to read.
The striped couch had been Jim's from before. It had slept his kiddos on overnights. It was the one I slept on after hernia surgery. It was Bucket's window chair and saw his first howls. Those couches had seen so many laughs, so many moments of love, and so many moments of loss.
I had a moment of hesitation. I wanted to say stop. But deep down I knew it was time to let the couches go. It was time because they had more than served their purpose.
It was time because they were no longer serving their purpose.
Maybe this is a lot of deep thoughts for a sofa. Like I said, I have a hard time of letting go. In the nature of growing, that's become a bigger goal for this year: letting go.
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| Kaya |
In anticipation, my attention turned to my bedroom.
My bedroom is another prime example of how I struggle to let things go. You all -- I have clothes and shoes I've had since HIGH SCHOOL. They don't fit. Or, in the case of the shoes, I don't wear heels anymore.
I think I have like four bags of my clothes to donate so far. My stepdaughter thought my wedges from high school were pretty cool. I guess they're vintage now?
To be 100% honest, I'm still working on getting my room in order, but I started by pulling everything (and I mean literally everything) out. I have examined every item of clothing, every piece of furniture, and every book before I put it back. I've rearranged the whole space.
I also bought a new, smaller, mattress to replace a queen memory foam. Have you ever tried rotating a memory foam on your own? Putting the sheets on there was a work out. It was also uncomfortable to sleep on.
My frugal side tried to salvage it with a topper and an eggcrate foam. But I had to finally admit -- I couldn't do it anymore. It was hurting my back.
I feel this need to justify buying a new mattress. But the old one was not serving its purpose. It was not benefitting me and it was worn out. It was also wearing me out.
Instead, I bought a new (albeit, cheap) full-size spring mattress that I like much better. It's so much easier for me to manage alone. I even found some cutesy cheap sheets that make me happy.
Why can't adults have fun sheets? Who is checking? Who cares?
Anyway, the room is still in recovery mode. My poor hallway has a line of boxes that I'm going through. I'm trying to tackle at least one a week. You've been warned if you come over -- there are boxes and bags piled up to leave my house, too.
But already it feels so much better. I'm sleeping better, the space is relaxing and not stressful.
Something I'm learning in this process?
Letting go of things can be so freeing.
Letting go of things doesn't mean letting go of memories. It simply means letting go of things that no longer serve us.
Maybe this is just about a mattress, some couches, some clothes. But honestly, I do think it's a deeper idea. The fact is, possessions can possess us if we let them.
There's also a Biblical point to be made. How often do we allow the gaining of possessions to take precedence over what we can do with our possessions?
"Then He said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." ~Luke 12:15 NIV
Oof. Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.
I think I need to frame that in one of those cross stitch samplers. It's not the abundance of possessions that matters more in life. Those are not important. It's what you do with the possessions you have.
Beyond that, when you have a less cluttered house, you can have a less cluttered life. You can have room for things that really matter in life and it's a lot easier to see what (and who) matters.
When you have less, perhaps you truly gain more.
I guess my therapist is right -- maybe there's something to taking back my space. To unburdening myself of the things that had taken over.
I've never seen an episode of Marie Kondo's show, although I do have a vague understanding of her concepts. I've also never read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, but same with a vague understanding.
I love the idea of organizing and I'm prone to buying boxes, etc., to help.
But you know the best way to organize your home? Have less stuff to organize in the first place.
There's something to be said for unburdening yourself of stuff. Again, when you have less stuff, you can gain so much more in life.
"Unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens. If you have them, you have to take care of them! There is great freedom in simplicity of living. It is those who have enough but not too much who are the happiest." ~Peace Pilgrim
One thing I have to remind myself of, if something is sitting in a box in my closet, it is not fulfilling the purpose for which it was created. It is simply going to waste.
Like I said before, I hate being wasteful.
This is why I struggle to toss things, too, and so often find myself seeking someone to donate to. I recognize that not everything can be used by someone else. Sometimes, my junk is just junk.
That's a balance I'm working on too. It's a true work in progress.
"What I know for sure is that when you declutter — whether it’s your home, your head, or your heart — it is astounding what will flow into that space that will enrich you, your life, and your family." ~Peter Walsh
One step further, though?
What other "junk" are we holding on to in life?
What sort of things in your life and your mind are you holding on to that are honestly just junk? What thoughts and behaviors have you held on to in life that you need to let go of?
Goodness knows that's also a journey I've been on lately.
I think being a widow has given me a little perspective in getting rid of some of those junk thoughts. I have begun to recognize the things that aren't healthy in my head.
What hurts have I held? What things do I say to myself that are simply junk? What else in life should I let go of?
What do I need to unburden myself with?
"The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t." ~Joshua Becker
That's a work in-progress too, of course.
Maybe that's the ultimate goal for the year: unburdening myself with ALL the junk in my life.
Because, when we have less, we have room for so much more.
What about you?
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