Being vulnerable

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

— Brené Brown

May is mental health awareness month. Over the years if you follow me on Facebook you've seen me post about the importance of mental health.

In recent months you've probably seen me post about the importance of first responder mental health because some things have come up. Jim always felt like it was a really important and underappreciated thing for first responders to get that mental health support.

I can't say that I understand as a first responder, but I understand as someone who is close to first responders. As a reporter, I witnessed the toll it took on people. As the daughter of a volunteer fire chief and the wife of a firefighter, I saw the impact it could have on people even when they don't realize it. They see so much trauma.

For those of us who are not first responders, sometimes it's traumatic events in our lives that lead us in to getting therapy.

So with that, I wanted to share that I have started therapy. It took some doing because I had to figure out some insurance logistics -- some of you probably saw me complaining about that on Facebook, too, when I got so fed up that I couldn't get it figured out.

But here we are here. Friday night I posted about the week I had. Between the anniversary and other things going on, it was a very difficult week.

Saturday, I had my first telehealth appointment with a therapist. I was quite nervous because I have never been through therapy. I've always been a proponent of it but I've never actually been through therapy myself. And I feel like it helped. 

I realize therapy is a private thing. So why am I sharing? 

Because it's not a taboo thing. So often people are afraid to talk about getting therapy. I think this leads to people being less inclined to go through it. Honestly, I feel I can't properly encourage others toward therapy if I'm unwilling to do so. Perhaps it will help someone else.

Admitting that I wanted to go through therapy isn't a weakness. It isn't anything against my support system, either. I have a great support system and I know everyone will be there for me if I call. 

But I also recognize there's also a limit at which you can put your problems, your concerns, spill your guts, etc. You can't put all of that on everyone. 

I certainly don't want to cause someone a secondary level grief because they're experiencing my grief with me again. People aren't always equipped to handle that. But a professional is trained. A professional can handle that in a neutral way. In a healthy way. A way that isn't going to cause them more emotional turmoil.

Keeping these things in is not healthy. They need to go somewhere. But sometimes, they need to go to a safe space. Like shouting into the abyss. Therapy can provide that.

I'm so thankful that it is available through my insurance. I know not everyone has that luxury. There's become more resources available for those who don't. But if you can take advantage of it you should.

I know that I am going to have a long road and I'll never really be over everything. That said, I appreciate having somebody to talk to about it, someone who I don't feel like necessarily need to hold anything back from. 

And with mental health issues, sometimes medication is needed. There's also no shame in that. Store bought serotonin is OK too.

Whatever it is, there's no shame in getting help just like there's no shame in going to a medical doctor if you are diabetic or even if you've broken a foot. It's something that you're having to deal with. 

You would never expect someone with a broken foot to navigate without crutches and climb stairs without assistance. You can't do it alone.

So don't. 

Don't think you have to handle all of life on your own. It's OK to get help. Sometimes, getting out of the hard stuff of life is like trying to climb stairs on a broken foot.

It's downright impossible and you get no where fast.

So get the help you need.

And if you need help getting started, I'm here for you, my friend.

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
— Maya Angelou