In like a T-Rex

"Faith, in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods." ~C.S. Lewis

Wow. It has been a rough YEAR.

Can I get an AMEN? 

The world is hurting. Australia was burning. People have been dying. Now we're all stuck at home because of COVID-19 and losing our minds.

Parents have become teachers. Teachers have become web instructors. Children have been thrown into chaos. Businesses are being closed. People are losing their jobs, some temporarily, some indefinitely, and no one can look for more work.

A lot of people have died.

In my personal world, dear friends mourned through this closure as a loved one passed unexpectedly. I grieve for them, but from behind a phone or computer screen, because we can't be together.

Before this madness really kicked off, I lost my grandmother, a woman who had been a role model for me as a kid. She taught me so much about being a strong woman, taking care of people, and what it meant to be a Godly woman. In recent years, she had begun to lose a lot of those things. But never her internal strength. That sometimes drove us all a little crazy, but we loved her and she loved us. Even when she wasn't herself.

We know she's with God now. But none of us have really had time to process that, because the next week, our world started to implode with shut downs, closures, and a multitude of other things.

Personally, I'm now dealing with trying to make an in-seat college public speaking class for high school students one they can do online from home. I am not alone in this. We are all navigating new technologies and all are feeling the strains of frustration and a little worry.

I have a lot of friends who are really scared about this virus. I do my best to comfort them. We are lucky in Kentucky (I think that's the first time I've worked that old expression into a blog) in that we have a governor who has been proactive and calm through all of this.

There are a lot of people frightened by it.

For me, I'm not so worried about the virus. I know it will run its course and we all just need to be extra cautious. I'm worried about my students. Many of them are high school seniors and should be allowed to be children for a few more months. They should be celebrating the end of their schooling. They should be getting ready for prom and graduation.

Instead, they're at home, watching as all these things are being cancelled and knowing they won't get to have those moments that high school students should.

Yes, this may be a small problem in the broad scheme of life. There have been deaths from this and we all understand. But they have a right to be frustrated and telling them to suck it up or telling them that, "at least you're not going off to war," isn't helpful. It just minimizes their feelings and leaves them more frustrated.

I have a cousin who is a high school senior. She expressed sadness and in the same post said she knew she shouldn't because people are dying and this is small. But that's unfair to her. That's unfair to the students who have worked their whole lives so far to get to their graduation day. To having those moments with their friends. I hope they can find a way to celebrate safely, even if it's a Zoom Prom or something.

This thing is running the world.

But really. It's been a hard year. Anyone else need a good cry? 

I certainly felt that today. That's why I decided it was time to dust off my blog and write again. It's been a while since I felt creative. And I don't know that I'm feeling particularly creative right now, I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated at the way things are going.

And I'm antsy. Because underneath it all, I'm a little worried. I worry about my husband. Every day he goes to work and every night he comes home and I breath a little easier. I don't worry so much that he will be exposed, although that is a very real danger in the prison system, I worry more that he will be harmed.

I worry for my family. There are members of my family who are in the high-risk category, who have diabetes or the other issues they list.

I worry for students whose lives have been turned upside down.

I worry for parents who are trying to work and teach their kids from home or, worse, who have no jobs now and are trying to teach their kids. It's hard to teach your child fractions when you're worried about having food to eat.

And then I get sick of worrying and I just get frustrated again.

I know you are probably expecting something uplifting and positive. I'm not sure I have that for you. I get tired of always being positive.

But I have this:

All of my worries are not mine to hold. For I believe there's someone who knows it all and is watching us all.

Does that mean that everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows?

Heck, no. This year has proven that life is not sunshine and rainbows.

But in the end, He has got this. And for those of us who believe, that means we've got this. Because we know that all of our worries are precious to Him and they steal precious time from Him.

But I do think that God understands, sometimes, we need a good cry. Sometimes, we need to be frustrated. Sometimes, we need to kick and stomp and throw a little tantrum. It gets it all out. And then He looks at us and says, "Alright. You ready to stop and let me take over?"

Then we let go of those worries, take hold of His hand and know that, in the end, it'll all be OK.

Just remember, it'll all come out in the wash. 

Literally, because that's how we get rid of COVID-19! Wash your hands!

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Also, CDC UPDATES

Gov. Andy Beshear updates: He's on everyday at 5 p.m. if you need a little calming.

Be safe!