Facing my future

The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future.
And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.
~Tennessee Williams, Orpheus Descending 1957

The problem with this quote is that not allowing the future to scare you is easier said than done. Just ask any graduating senior.

This week, I am trying to tie up all the loose ends and make my plans more concrete. However, that is also proving to be difficult, which is perhaps another story. Sitting here, I realize that I have a lot left to do. Why have I left it all to the last...2 weeks? Because I'm in denial.

Graduation is this huge, ambiguous thing that has been plaguing me since I first entered here at Cumberland. I've always known it was there, slowly heading toward me. And for a while there, I could ignore it. Then I became excited about it and about getting into the "real world." Then I became a senior.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited about the idea. I can't wait to finally have a place of my own and to not worry about showing my room to prospective students or letting girls in their rooms at 4 a.m. I can't wait until I no longer have to partake of the campus food. (Even though the idea of paying for my own food is a bit disconcerting.) I can't wait to have a dog. A big, big dog.

However, it scares me to think that, in three and a half weeks (counting finals) this will be over. This stage of my life will be completed and I will be moving on to a new location and a new chapter. A chapter that barely has the structure and the notes started.

As of right now, I am not completely even sure where the beginning of this chapter will be set. That's one of those loose ends that I'm working on.

That and not letting the future scare me. Because the future can be a very scary place.